On Good Intentions, Meow Mix, and Early Fall

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Forget Thirsty, Nerdy, Cats.  This blog should be called “Good Intentions”…

In my defense, I’m working crazy hours between my job and the fact that I’m over committed very involved in this community.  And instead of writing about it in my free time, I’m actually enjoying some things that stop me from being thirtsy, are very cat-ish, and are definitely nerdy.  So sue me.

Also in my defense, I have at least a half dozen posts started that just haven’t been finished yet.  Not that they are relevant anymore but still.  Good intentions.

This week, I’ve actually had a few nights to spend at home.  The other evening I was chopping vegetables for dinner and having a complete conversation with the cats.  (If you don’t have animals I’m sure that sounds crazy but living alone with two fluff balls means I have very extensive conversations about catnip, needing more food, arguing about getting out of the dressing room, or whatever else it is they want to talk about on an almost daily basis.)  That evening I was listening to music, chatting with the cats, and enjoying a beer when Pandora played a commercial for the “Meow Mix channel.”  I laughed to myself…

And then I heard their closing – something along the lines of “… so if you like good music as much as you like your captivating kittens …” – and thought to myself, “You know what?  I DO like that” and checked it out.  My oh my have they been stalking my house.  I have many songs that I rewrite to include the cats when I’m home alone.  And they PLAYED THEM ALL.

“I’ve got the moves like Jagger” always becomes “I’ve got the moves like Charlie”

“Every day we’re shuffling” becomes “Every day we’re snuggling”

And on and on… I won’t continue or you’ll think I’m crazy.  It goes back to the whole having conversations with them.  I have spent many years living along with these cats.  It happens.

Long story short, we spent the next half hour dancing in the kitchen to all the songs I could rewrite to include the girls.  And by we, I mean the cats joined in.  They always do.  They wiggle and jump and meow and it becomes a big old party.  No one can ever tell me that cats aren’t as fun as dogs…

And then I remembered that I was listening to the Meow Mix station, that I had officially become a crazy cat lady, and that I was probably never going to get a date again.  

Oh well.  I love my life.

I might enjoy being busy but I truly thrive on nights at home.  The girls thoroughly enjoy these kinds of weeks too… even if I’m busy doing other things, they have lots of time to climb on my lap and snuggle while I work.

Right now, Lady Bug is curled up on the chaise lounge laying as close to me as physically possible.  She’s not on my lap since I’m up and down to make dinner but every time I sit back down she scoots back a little more so her fat love handles are shoved up against my leg.  (Thanks Lady.)  Charlie is being Charlie… chasing something that no one else can see in circles all over the house.

Nights like these are those that keep me going.  We are our own little family living in a perfect bubble when we are here.  Even though it hasn’t been the easiest summer, coming home to this has made it ok.

And now summer is over.

I gave myself the summer to wallow in the sadness.  Unfortunately, fall holds so many memories that it’s not any easier to move on now than it was.  But fall holds memories of both time with him and time before him.  I have spent many falls holing up in my house, drinking wine, watching football, reading books, cooking elaborate dinners, eating so much popcorn that my stomach hurts… I have done all of that with and without him.  I just have to remind myself how to do it on my own.

In the meantime, I’ll take comfort in the fact that I haven’t forgotten how to wiggle in my kitchen with two little things that love nights home alone as much as I do.

And I will keep enjoying nights like these:

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Finding Comfort in Melancholy

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I’ve been reading a lot lately.  The weekend after the Fourth of July, I plowed through three books on Sunday alone.  It was one of those days – and I was sucked into one of those story lines – that I just couldn’t stop.

I think I needed to be wrapped up in melancholy.  Sometimes, when I’m feeling a little down, I find it best to just wallow in it for a while and then pick up my chin and move on.  Without the wallowing though, I find myself returning time and again to the thing that’s dragging me down.

So on that Sunday, I put on sappy Hallmark Channel movies (which get me every single time even though I don’t usually like chick flicks), poured myself some wine (because that’s what you do on a Sunday afternoon when you want to wallow), and pulled out my Kindle (so that I didn’t even have to get off the couch when I was ready for the next book).

I discovered a gem that day, a gem that definitely made me feel better about my life if only because I was reading about someone worse off.  The Girl in the Lighthouse, by Roxane Tepfer Sanford, was haunting.  The reviews on Amazon are very mixed but I am definitely in the camp that enjoyed it.  The scandal was exactly what I needed that afternoon.  The story deals with mental illness, incest, and abuse.  I will admit that (somewhat thankfully) the author did not delve into any of the topics as blatantly so I didn’t find the darkness overwhelming like some readers did, but be warned that the story is not for the faint of heart.

I followed The Girl in the Lighthouse with the second book in the series All That is Beautiful and have to say that I should have stopped after the first.  I don’t know if the author was contracted to write two books and felt she needed to complete that or what.  No matter why it was written, the second book may have tied together some loose ends from the first but left me feeling more unfulfilled than if I had just tied those ends together in my own imagination.  The reader saw the main character – who despite everything you really were rooting for – spiral into an unbelievable mess.  Whether you thought she was a victim or drove her own demise, the story line become entirely unbelievable even in the end when you thought you might finally get your happy ending.  My recommendation is to read the first book and then stop… Let your mind come to its own conclusions and be done with it.

Incidentally, while reading I got sick of the Hallmark Channel movies and put in a cd that I have been listening to on repeat for the last few months and found the perfect soundtrack to the amazing story I was reading.  If you haven’t heard Barnaby Bright – which you probably haven’t since I only happened to discover them myself due to a small concert series in my town – and you like singer songwriter stuff with ridiculously amazing female vocals, I suggest you check them out.  I especially liked how one of my favorite tracks “Old Coats” fit the mood of the story I was reading.  You can check it out on their website – looks like you can even download a few tracks!

After a long day of reading, I truly did feel better.  I picked myself up and went on with my week knowing that by allowing myself to feel the badness I was opening myself up to a tomorrow full of goodness.

And P.S. The Girl with the Lighthouse is still free on Amazon if you have a Kindle.  I do recommend that you check it out – just don’t waste the money on the sequel.

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On Why I Want to Start Writing Again

I haven’t written in such a long time that I feel almost like an impostor for trying again.  It’s been more than a year since I stopped writing publicly regularly.  I say publicly because I didn’t stop writing completely, I just stopped writing to share with the world.

Last summer I discovered just how much of my important thinking and decision making is done through the written word.  I’m so much better at writing it out, mulling it over, and then sharing it for feedback.  As much as people might assume I don’t have a filter, I really do.  I am not a make-quick-decisions-on-the-fly kind of person and writing is by far the best way for me to think through said decisions.

However, when you’re trying to be with someone who doesn’t necessarily understand the need to think ahead of big decisions, and really doesn’t understand the need to overshare their life in order to get feedback about those decisions, blogging might not be the best medium to process your life.  Instead, I started writing much more privately.  Emails, cards and letters to a certain individual to help me think through the good and bad times.

Unfortunately, that writing wasn’t enough to bring us to the same conclusions.  I’m fine and no I don’t really want to talk about it.  If anything, the writing I’ve done in the last year taught me so much about myself that it was probably the best thing for me even if it didn’t bring me to the future I had hoped.

Now that I no longer have someone to write so privately to though, I find myself withdrawing from the world in many of the ways I used to.  When I am down and troubled, I surround myself with my most comfortable things – namely my wine, my books, and my cats.  Things that cannot judge me, hurt my feelings, or disappoint me (for very long at least).

I realized that I tend to blog blog when I am at my low points as a way to drag myself out of that solitude and I hope to do that again now that I once again need a way to reach out to the world and share my thoughts.  I have done a lot of soul searching lately and I feel that I once again have things that I am not afraid to share with any people who are willing to listen.

We’ll see where this journey takes me.  We all know I’ve tried this time and time again and haven’t necessarily stuck with it.

But even if no one is reading, I need to know that I have expressed myself – even if it’s primarily about those three things that never judge.

But then again… those three things shouldn’t surprise you.  You are, afterall, visiting a site called Thirsty, Nerdy Cats.

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